The Aftermath
by Random Prophet
Summary: Written for pinstripesuit on LJ for bleachexchange. It seems that you just can't get the Arrancar to do anything without someone dying... particularly office parties. Rated for language and sex jokes.


There was an awkward sort of silence in the room, broken only by the rustling sound of Aizen flipping through Ulquiorra's report.

_Shit,_ thought Grimmjow, _I knew the snakes were a bad idea._ He didn't even bother to look at the third occupant of the room, as he knew that he was smiling. As always.

His brief distraction ended when Aizen set the paperwork down and took off his reading glasses (which made him look _really fucking dorky,_ noted Grimmjow).

"Well," said Aizen with a smile that was plesant enough to be disarming and yet, to the trained eye, looked quite forced, "it seems that the party I arranged for my absence had quite the opposite effect I intended it to!"

Unlike much of Aizen's little diversions, this one's meaning hadn't been very well-hidden. The overlord had left Hueco Mundo for some obscure reason and arranged an "office party" to keep the Arrancar from killing each other while he was gone. Grimmjow was thoroughly convinced that the reason he had left was to visit brothels. No evidence to the contrary (like the fact that Hueco Mundo was practically a brothel _anyway_ and Aizen didn't have to pay anything to get some) would convice Grimmjow otherwise.

In any case, the party had been a flop. Particularly for the fact that it had resulted in the deaths of several Arrancar. And, of course, there were certain accusations that were more or less true, but that certainly wasn't going to stop Grimmjow from bitching about it.

The overlord picked up the papers again and skimmed them as more of a psychological tactic than a need to review the text.

"Yes... apparently, there was a bit of an accident with Ulquiorra's eye? And then- my word, snakes." He paused a moment to re-read the account of that incident.

"Ah. That explains why, when Numero Veintitres was found in that closet, his leg was about the size of a medium-sized tree trunk."

Aizen looked back to the paper.

_Oh, just get on with it, motherfucker, _thought Grimmjow angrily. _I know, I know, blowjob duty for a whole month, maybe the loss of my other goddamned arm, etwhatever the fuck._

"And then," continued Aizen in a slightly amused manner, "someone-" his gaze flickered slightly in the direction of Ichimaru- "set off fireworks, which accounts for Numero Diecinueve's missing head."

Grimmjow shot a quick glance in Ichimaru's general direction to see if-_goddamnit, he's sill smiling like it's his fuckin' birthday and someone handed him a cake with a fuckin' stripper in it an'-_

Fuming, Grimmjow's slouch deepened and his attention returned to Aizen.

"And then," continued the overlord as though the redirection of Grimmjow's attention had provided him some sort of cue, "there was... my my." His brows furrowed slightly. "Something rather inappropriate involving bananas and a paper towel was done to Numero Dieciocho." There was a silght pause as he reread the account, wincing appropriately. After he finished he smiled the same forced smile he had at the beginning.

"I suppose there's no purpose in asking you two to explain yourselves?"

Grimmjow didn't reply, though his slouch took on an I-don't-give-a-flying-fuck-what-you-do-to-me-you-bitch edge.

Ichimaru, however, shrugged.

"Sorry 'bout the fireworks, sir! Had t' be done." He grinned in a manner usually associated with sharks. "Wouldn't be a decent party without it."

"Well, it did get rid of most of the snakes!" said Aizen cheerfully. Gin nodded. Grimmjow mentally strangled something.

"I had it with them snakes," continued the white-haired Shinigami. _Fuck,_ thought the Arrancar, clenching his fist. _He's gonna get off easy, isn't he. Just because Aizen likes him-_

"I'm afraid, though, that I must inflict some sort of punishment," said Aizen in a slightly guilty tone. "It would be rather unfair if I let you get away with it without any sort of retribution. Isn't that right, Grimmjow?"

Grimmjow's rather homicidal thoughts froze in their tracks.

"What the fu-" he began, then realized that this could very well be the opportunity of a lifetime. Well. After-lifetime. His face brightened from its previous fuck-the-world expression to a rather insane smile.

"Oh, yes," said the Arrancar, with sadistic glee creeping into his voice. "I agree wholeheartedly." He shot a glance at Ichimaru, who was _still_ wearing the goddamn smile, but it didn't matter! He was going to get his ass handed to him! It was like springtime for Grimmjow and Hueco Mundo.

"Right then," said the white haired Shinigami with a shrug. "My mistake. Won't happen again, sir!"

"Yes, alright," continued Aizen, "now for your- Oh, Grimmjow, you're free to go."

"…what," said Grimmjow skeptically. …he was setting him up for something, wasn't he? The _bastard._

"There will be a schedule change, yes," said Aizen lazily, "but last time was rather traumatic, wasn't it? I figured you could use a reprieve."

Grimmjow raised an eyebrow at this. Sure, it wasn't as bad as getting his arm sliced off, but if he could remember correctly, a reprieve had been exactly what caused it.

…oh well. Might as well take it as it came, eh? Even if Gin's snickering was horribly ominous.

* * *

"I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE FUCKIN' SNAKES," snarled Grimmjow as he cleared up the third Arrancar prank that week. "Fuck, you'd think that they'd forgive you for one goddamn prank- _fucking overlord and his fucking mindfuckery and shit._ " 


End file.
